By LazerKim: I’m posting this article today because it’s Saturday, maybe we can share some recollections of Kim Hyun Joong’s past on how he had been through while he was at the lime light of showbiz. We can share thoughts about him and think deeper, anyway it’s Saturday, no work today, no hassle of having to accomplish anything at work and fully rested.
Seeing Kim Hyun Joong for the first will give you an instant impression of having a strong personality, in such a way you’ll stare at him and appreciate everything you see in him through your naked eye. He’s a head turner, you won’t miss to have a second look at him having a perfectly handsome face. Just let him stand in a crowded room but you’ll never miss to have a look at him and say “who’s that handsome man”?.
Having to look at him for the first time gives you an impression he’s somebody from the upper class, from head to foot as you look at him as if you’re staring at a walking statue. But as he starts to talk, it also gives you an instant impression that he’s kind and gentle. And as you get to know him better, you start to realize, he’s funny, and very down to earth, which is quite the opposite of how you see his physical outlook.
And as you dig a bit dipper you’ll realize, he’s quite fun to be with. Until you discover his 4D personality that you wouldn’t expect for someone who’s born with perfect physique. You would love his adorable innocence of committing mistakes, even his clumsiness of admitting to his weakness
He’ll give you that impression that it’s always fun that he likes, everybody happy kinda thing. But do we know what really is inside him? No one knows, because he’ll keep it deeper in his heart and will never give it away. Hyun Joong is so good in keeping his emotions to himself, he will endure with what he feels inside him. But do we know what he truly feels? No we don’t, because he never speaks about it, and we as a women reads in between the lines, reads through his eyes and understand what’s going on with him without telling us.
There are a lot of times in our lives we do experience heartaches, depression, pain disappointment ect. And no matter how strong personality a person has, sometimes we’re bound to just breakdown, which I think is natural. Some would say, it takes an ounce of pain to endure, that would lead us to a better strength to carry on and face the challenges of life. Hyun Joong had displayed all his smile, all the laughter that we view over his video clips, and his strength being a public figure. But all of these were within the surface of him.
Remember when Hyun Joong cried at one of SS501 last concert, that he just broke down to tears? I really can’t forget how he cried that time, because as I was watching him, tears just fell from my eyes, that it felt as if he was alone that time. It’s like he has four members with him but he’s alone in his thoughts, he’s alone with what he truly feels. And being a leader he has to be strong, he has to fight back his emotions while he keeps his pain inside him.
And I didn’t have any idea what was that all about, but I strongly felt him, he was having problems that he kept for himself. They said most people who are cheerful and jolly are the loneliest inside them. Whenever I review Hyun Joong’s video clips, it’s his body language that I watch, since I already know what he was saying.
The guy is very sensitive but never showed it to anyone. In one talk show, he was relating that, he was alone when he was preparing for his first album, and he wants to go home just to be with somebody to breath on, but he’s quite awkward with his dad. And that’s really sad, when he needed a family because there were no friends around. I think that’s natural, if he doesn’t have friends to comfort him, he would like to turn on to his family that he couldn’t bring himself to be where there was peace.
You can just imagine he knows very well, some of his fans had turn their backs against him to the extent of accusing him about the break up of his group, and here he was in the midst of preparing for his dream album alone by himself with that thoughts about his fans. He was pretty scared to face all uncertainties by himself. But what did he do? He played soccer, that was his only outlet even at wee hours after his rehearsals. It seemed to me he doesn’t want to go home and be alone in his thoughts that time. But you know what? I know he’s still waiting for those fans, who had misjudged him, that’s why I wrote the article Waiting for You.
And when I read about Hyun Joong’s becoming less cheerful became an issue to his fans, I started reading his eyes, that he couldn’t look at the person who was interviewing him. I think it was their tour to US together with his members, he was somewhat aloof that time. The change in him was quite drastic, because when he was doing BOF he was so at home with F4 and the production staffs.
But when he came back to his members, it became apparent to me his was already having problems with his members. And then the controversy about their ex- president came out from the news in January 19, 2010, five months before his contract termination with DSP. I read from somewhere he was angry with the media. Within the entire period of my research, that was the only event that I read Hyun Joong being angry.
If you can analyze how Hyun Joong’s dark moments started, in September 2009 Hyun Joong flew to Japan for BOF promotion with the F4, he was doing fine that time. He was caught by H1N1 and so stayed in Japan a bit longer, and came back to his members. In January 19, 2010 the controversy over the ex-president came, followed by the closure encore concert in Feb. 28, that was the time he broke down into tears, four months before his contract termination. I knew Hyun Joong wasn’t happy anymore and he already knew he has to leave the group. Something went wrong after he did BOF, but he never talked about it, he only mentioned he was already having problems with DSP which he opened up to his boss Bae Yong Joon.
Hyun Joong I think had the good year in 2009, since that was the start of his popularity boosting, 2010 I think was his worst year. Right from the start of the year 2010 he was caught in controversy, then at the middle of the year in June upon his contract termination even gotten worst as he took all the blames pertaining to the break up of SS501. It was too much to endure that he doesn’t know what more explanation he has to say to some of his fans, that he has a dream that he wants to fulfill. That he had already suffered and struggled when he was young, just for his dream.
Hyun Joong did Playful kiss which suffered low rating in Korea but rated good overseas and at YouTube. And when he started his preparation for his first album, he took everything seriously. Watching his video clips during his rehearsal, he can barely smile or if he did, it was because he was dancing. That rehearsal for Breakdown, the Artmatic captain even said to him he has to smile. You can see in him that he’s had been carrying his burden of anxiety.
I think he pushed himself too much, pour all his strength to his work at the same time fighting back the burden he carried on his shoulder. He had a burden of fear for doing what he has to do by himself and to face his fans for acceptance. He has to prove himself that he can stand on his feet and he has to prove he is worthy of his fans love and support. He wrote what he felt and read this letter to his fans in June 2011. I could only feel the pain he had been through as I listen to him reading his letter because by that time I was almost over with my research. Again, he controlled his emotions with all his strength, but still gave in nearly in tears, that I truly hope that will be the last time I’ll ever see him break down.
I think Hyun Joong started to smile in June 2011, because from there on, his chain of success started coming non stop till the beginning of 2012, everything just turned out rocket high on Hyun Joong that anything he touch turns to gold. His popularity snowballed and eventually gained support more than what he was expecting from his fans.
In every dark moments we experience in our lives, when we feel as if there’s no one there to comfort us with all the sadness of feeling alone. In every end of a tunnel there is light, there is hope and there is fulfillment. This was what Hyun Joong experienced when he was tested by fate on how much degree can he endure his trials. I have always believe that anything you work hard for, putting all your strength, perseverance and sincerity to achieve your goal, leads to success and there’s no reason to fail, for having done everything you can to achieve that goal.
I have been hesitant until now, to discuss that period when Hyun Joong decided to go solo. I’ve already read a lot of accusations from his other fans blaming him from here and there. I can’t help to think, when I first met Hyun Joong it was at BOF in 2009, I never got the chance to know him better, in fact as I mentioned in my other articles, I’ve known him to be Yoon Ji Hoo and I only time I knew his real name when he went to visit Tokyo with his boss in 2010. And maybe if I was then writing about him in 2009, I’ll probably get caught at the middle of fan clash!! Well, everything has it’s own time, and maybe this is the right time to get to know Hyun Joong better and write about him in a more loving way.
I first felt the love of his fans as MAMA conducted a poll voting, as Hyun Joong was one of the nominees at several categories. And I think this event marked a history in every Hyun Joong fans, I was glued to my monitor observing the movements at Twitter, as every fan including myself shared the effort in putting Hyun Joong up to the stage to receive an honorable award being the Best Male Artist for 2011. Hyun Joong never expected anything like this, since it’s his first venture as solo artist. And followed by numerous other awards from international prominent Awards, that was overwhelming for him after the dark moments he had in his career life, everything just turned out to be a success beyond anyone’s imagination.
Is Hyun Joong truly happy at this time? I would say, if you have met Hyun Joong only during the time of Breakdown, then he probably gave you all smiles and nothing less. For those who knew Hyun Joong from SS501, maybe you would say he was happier before because he was never short of cheerfulness in him personally. Well being a kid that time he was playful that you rarely see from him these days, and so I wrote the article Missing Kid because I truly miss those times.
You may think how could that be, if I only had met Hyun Joong at BOF 2009. But then if you research on a certain person and there’s nothing you can think of except that person, you would really feel you have grown with him. And that was what I experienced in meeting Hyun Joong during my research.
Maybe you’ll feel the same way in due time specially the new fans, if you would keep reading about Hyun Joong everyday, you’ll be able to feel how he grew up, as if you’re already a part of his growing. I know a lot of you has been doing a marathon reading, that’s exactly what I did when I was researching about him. The only difference is, everyday you get something to read. In my time I was so frustrated because there were minimal articles posted about him.
And so I want to fill up the internet with articles all about Hyun Joong and maybe a little about those people closest to him. If you notice in my articles, there are definite details that I kept repeating, it’s because I would like you to know Hyun Joong by heart and not just in passing, that can easily be forgotten.
Every time Hyun Joong is out there on his exposure, we try to absorb every single minute we watch on his video clips. He’ll be out within this day on his way to China, and surely it’s a good Saturday to spend our time watching him in China. And when he’s gone to his cocoon again, we reminisce those days he’s out there, we share the excitement and the aftermath. This period may be longer and I think this is the right time we get to know the guy better. Even in his past during the darkest moments of his career life, let’s share it with him and learn from it. And during the days he was playful, let’s share it with him as we cherish the good and funny feelings of yesterday.
Let him share with you what he had gone through in his hard times and in times of joy, and so by this way even he may be oceans away from us, even he couldn’t understand what we’re talking about here, our strength will be with him anywhere he is. Because we know Hyun Joong by heart and he will eventually feels it in due time.
There are lots more to know about Hyun Joong, I myself would like to know more, there are still a lot of questions ringing in my mind. But maybe in the right time he’ll be able to share those matters with us. Hyun Joong had barely started but he had accomplished a lot in a short period of time. There may be a lot more he has to face in the future and another dark moments in his career life. In moments that he’s down, it is us his fans can only raise him up again. If he stumbles down, we support him to get up in his feet again.
There will be more dark moments ahead……..but this time it wouldn’t matter anymore, because we are at his side now. As Kim Hyun Joong gets his strength from us his loving fans…..
LazerKim here writing
Photo credits as tagged, thanks.